Honestly, It’s ok.

Honestly, It’s ok.

So, on this cold, wet Melbourne winter afternoon I have become overwhelmed with the desire to put pen to paper (figuratively obviously, I have a laptop), to write a list of things I think it is ok to do … If I was writing a list of things, it was not ok to do, it would be never ending. However, I think most people reading this have a good grasp on the things not ok to do …

So here goes …

It is ok to love Diet Coke it is the original and the best, it tastes way better than Coke Zero and a cheeky ice-cold can of Diet Coke, when everything is all a bit too much (have you seen the news lately), is a lovely treat, I give you permission to enjoy it. (And you need my permission, right?)

It is ok to watch the Dallas Cowboys Cheer Leaders doco America’s Sweethearts, all the while acknowledging how sexist it is … (maybe it’s not ok, but I am watching it).

It is ok to listen to podcasts in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep, and if they happen to be about a mushroom trial, so be it.

It is ok to walk slowly and kindly away from a friendship that you once valued. It is hard, but in the long run if your values no longer align, it is the best thing for both of you. Someone said it is better to have loved than lost, but maybe it is ok to love and lose … It is also ok to deeply grieve a friendship; a loss is a loss. One day you won’t think about it quite as much; I promise.

It is ok to put your folded washing on the stairs for days, if no one else in the family cares, why should you?

It is ok to make a separate account to vote for Triple J’s Hottest 100 of Australian songs of all time … I mean, have you tried to vote for a measly 10?!!!

It is ok to send long voice notes to friends and then listen back to theirs when your schedules do not line up, and you can’t have a lazy phone chat like you did when you were 15 … well, I did when I was 15 anyway.

It is ok to leave a marriage, or long-term relationship (ohhh just got heavy there Kate). It is not easy, it will not always be ok during the process, but if you live with someone who is not kind to you, or you are not kind to. If you live with someone you no longer love, or they no longer love you the way they use to. If you live with someone who makes your heart sad, and you fear you are making their heart sad, it is ok to break up. Other people, your friends, family, randoms on the internet will tell you that you failed, you didn’t, you were braver than most! Somewhere, somehow, we all got convinced that ‘breaking up a home’ was almost as damaging as death cap mushrooms are. We believe it, and we let our children believe it too, but that doesn’t make it true. Just because you cannot stand the thought of another Christmas with your chosen life partner does not make every Christmas you had in the past bad. Starting over, does not erase what you had. Sure, it is going to hurt, and the ripples go wide, but (and I won’t make a rhyming nipple joke here because I am an adult), but they are only ripples, the lake will one day again be ripple free. It takes time, and some ripples feel like tidal waves, but one day you will look back, a bit bedraggled, but you and your ripples and hopefully nipples will be better off.

It is ok to love and support your friends who have left a marriage, and you do not understand why, they may not be able to tell you why, for so many reasons. Just love them, take them a yummy pastry and a coffee, their world is imploding; let them lean on you for a bit. Even if it doesn't make sense to you, one day it might, but even if you go through life without experiencing it, and maybe if you do go through life without experiencing it, you should not be a judgy McJudge pants. You should just turn up with love, tea, wine or, whatever you and your friend love.

It is ok to eat golden syrup on vanilla or plain Greek yogurt … oh my it is so ok!

It is ok to barrack for a football team that never wins … “Knock, Knock “… “Whose there” … “Owen” … “Owen who?” I hear you ask …. “Owen the Saints, go Marching in, Oh when the Saints go marching in ….”

It is ok to work a job that pays the rent, even if you hate it, you are providing for yourself, maybe your kids and the cat, that is an honourable thing. Don’t discount it!

It is ok to watch TikTok’s for a few minutes when life is too full on; it really is. Don’t let the “I never go on my phone” people decide for you what you get to enjoy.

It is ok to go on a leisurely walk just to get your steps up, we can’t all do a park run.

And lastly, it is ok to be sad sometimes, happy sometimes and sometimes scared, we all are, and if any of the above things make you feel less sad or less scared, then do them! (Oh, and hey if your relationship has family violence, I know it is even harder to leave, so I am thinking of you. Call 1800RESPECT if you can. We are waiting to walk slowly with you when you can leave.)

Have a great weekend, friend,

Big Love

Kate